It dawned on me as I missed the opportunity of asking out an
attractive girl (whom I know is interested in me) while I was at the gym today…

 

“I’ll
talk to her later I thought.”

 

Some time later…

 

“In
a few more minutes…”

 

And finally…

 

“Awwww
shit! She left! I’m a dummy…”

 

Kicking myself in the ass, I started to think,

 

“Oh
well… who cares. She was probably busy tonight anyway.”

 

Now pumped and wanting to make plans still… I go through my
phone to make other arrangements… and I realize… wow… I’ve got nobody to call.

 

Ok. That’s really a lie. I could call one of a dozen people…
I could call the drunks… maybe even the cokeheads… or one of the many couples I
know to hang out… but frankly I’m getting tired of the stupid frat boy drunken
nights, I hate the vile lifestyle of the cokeheads, and more yet,  the pressure of hanging out with couples is starting
to wear on me.

 

It’s sad… get obliterated or hang out with my buddies and
their significant others. Haha.

 

That’s when it hit me… no wonder I live in the past. I
realized that for a long time now I’ve lost the sense of living life and in her
stead have slipped conformably into living my life through past memories. I go
on daytoday miserable comparing everything from my current quality of life to
even the quality of woman I know from my past to now. I know it’s not fair to compare
things to nostalgic memories, but it sure is a hell of a lot easier avoiding
everything and blaming life for rotten daily occurrences.

 

There are the places I used to work, or the weekend
vacations I used to take… the groups of friends that would all gather on the
weekends and the fun times I used to have just hanging back at my old
apartment. I’m haunted by my past!

 

So I haven’t been on a date in over a year… there was a time
where I had more women than I could manage calling me to go out… haha… part of
it is I’ve been holding out on a love that I thought could be rekindled… but I’m
a dummy. She moved on a long time ago and I’ve been stuck on the memories.

In the end I need to ask myself. So what?  All these things were years ago. Nothing stays
the same… food spoils… structures crumble and I’m not the same kind of man then
as I am today. Why then should I live in my own shadow?

 

I need to make new memories. I need to relearn to live. I
need to meet new people.

 

 

My birthday was last week. I’m now 26 but for some reason feel
like I’m 16 again; unsure about the world, self conscious and weird. Haha.

 

 

 

-J

 

 

 

 

Hahahaha… that’s right!

Here’s my sister Margaret and her friend Erica modeling their running outfits just less than 12 hours before the big event!

Do me a favor… for those of you with myspace accounts… send my li’l’ sis and her friend a message of support and wish them luck on this run that is just over 26 miles (42.2Km)!

There is a 7 hour time difference between France and the US, so the girls are probably sleeping right now. Let’s give them something to wake up to before the run!

Remember… the marathon starts about 1AM our time… so… let’s get ‘er done this afternoon!


Thanks for everything!

-J

PAY ATTENTION LIFE!!! I QUIT!

 

I am SO done playing by your terms!

 

What is a man with out his pride or his honor?

 

NOTHING! That’s what.

 

I refuse to be that kind of man… so do with me what you will…
I am not playing anymore.

 

I’m sick and tired of all your bull shit!

 

SO WHAT IF I AM THE LONELY MAN!? SO WHAT IF YOU DECIDE TO
RUB SHIT IN MY FACE!? MY WILL SHALL BE BENT NO MORE!

 

I hate the many things that have occurred to me up until
this point because of my need and desire to be a kid again… to fill the nasty
holes in my past because of one reason or another.

 

FUCK YOU!

 

From this point forth… I make my destiny. I know I will fail
at times, but those failures will be by my hand not yours!

 

BAH! I dare you! TEMPT ME AGAIN!!!! –and see what I do! I’m
not gonna’ head for the hills and hide away like a bitch! I’m gonna’ SMACK YOU
LIKE THE PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE AND I AM GOING TO DOMINATE YOU!

 

FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

…KNOW my anger…

 

…I am tired of being the fool.

 

 

 

 

Johnny get’s up to till his land

Tryin’ to make a livin’ as an honest man,

But what he don’t know will keep him down

There’s another kinda’ man shouting orders in town.

“Do this! Do that! Vote for me! Raise TAX!”

While lil’ ol’ Jonny is wielding his axe.

Out in his fields he don’t know what’s  a coming…

Gonna’ lose the farm… ‘cause Uncle Sammy comes a drummin’.

 

Within the year Johnny’s out on the street

And he ain’t had nothin’ to eat.

Family all starved and ‘er buried by the road,

Ol’ Johnny’s good heart is startin’ to corrode.

He screams and yells throwin’ up clenched fists.

But the good ol’ boys just wrap shackles ‘round his wrists.

They took his life and they took his land…

They better watch out… ‘cause ol’ Johnny’s getting’ mad.

 

What’s a poor country boy to do?

When his country’s colors start to run?

Fadin’ away to a yellow hue…

He wipes his nose and fires his gun.

 

He’s been fightin’ the fight for many a year;

Lost several toes and part of an ear.

But nothing’s gonna’ keep this patriot down

He’s a red blood American with a mean ol’ frown.

He’s been fightin’ fer rights and fer freedom an liberty!

Fightin’ fer the chance to live and die freely!

But his life has run long an’ he’s nearing his end…

What choice ya gonna’ make? I’m helping Johnny defend!

 

What’s a poor nation to do?

When their country’s true colors start to show?

No more reds… no more whites… and no more blues…

Stand together! Unite! Let’s go!

 

Support lil’ ol Johhny 
in the fight against the man.

Raise our fists and fight till very bloody end!

We can win this fight together! WE CAN!

THIS WE’LL DEFEND!

 

-JJT

6 Jan 07
3:21PM

Today I exercised the powers granted to my by this
government… and cast my vote. With the little faith that I have in the powers
that could be, I don’t know if this one little action means squat in the great
grand scheme of things… but there I was… I did my part… Tweedle Dee or Tweedle
Dum… Ha! Let’s hope for better ones next time.

On a side note… I took out the tongue bar… for some reason I
felt today is the day I graduated from such things… sigh… it will be missed.

Now… with out further ado… my latest work.

-J

Something Amidst

 

There is a strange taste to the air…

Brought fourth by the chaining of the winds of some new

Manifestation rooted downwind.

 

Who can know what this strange omen may bring?

 

Be it live or dead the mother of such odor

I must brace for whatever fancies or horrors which may now lie
across this path.

 

But I wonder,

If it were the layer of some gruesome beast

Devouring a man in his latest feast… 

Should I…?

Could I…?

Would I find the constitution within myself to vanquish such
a demon?

 

Or rather…

What if it was from a bush?

One of red roses which my lover does favor!

Should I…?

Could I…?

Would I risk being ripped and shredded just so’s I can pluck
a bud for love?

 

This… strange… strange taste to the air…

Of some unknown spirit downwind.

 

Who can know what this omen may bring?

 

 

-JJT

07 Nov. 06

 

 

 

 

 

I hear someone crying…

 

…a sound of deep misery, grief and woe.

To hear it, is to bring much pain

‘Cause who can believe such hurt is so?

 

I feel for this bringer of sorrow,

This bird without a wing.

I’m sure you once flew high…

…soaring higher

And higher yet,

In the expansive blue sky.

 

But now you lay here grounded

As a sad pathetic thing for eyes.

What disasters could have befallen you,

You poor…

…poor…

…angelic creature?

 

Oh agonizing one…

You harvester of tears…

My heart bleeds for you and all your fears.

 

…

 

I see the face of the fallen one.

It’s a face of gruesome sight.

It’s a face of a joyous clown

Wrenched down in suffering plight.

 

Upon this jester’s face I see make-up running down

Across the cheeks and off the face with a

*sniffle*

*sniffle*

Whimpering frown.

 

I too

Am moved to tears

This is

Too much for me to bear.

 

You poor…

Poor thing

With a big red nose and wild bushy hair.

 

-JJT

28 Oct 06

4:20 AM

Bitter cold winters rage deep down inside,

Like painful bloody deaths in war.

Dismembered heads…

Limbs… torn

From their bodies;

Causalities of man’s senseless destruction.

 

I lead this charge en route to hell

Seeking for things outside my reach.

 

I may never find my peace,

For I may never stand tall again.

 

-JJT

27 Oct 06

The lines have been drawn

And the players take the stage.

Who will come out the victor,

Especially in this day and age?

 

The angels versus the demons!

It’s gonna’ be one hell of a fight!

Hope you bought your tickets…

‘Cause it’s go time tonight!

 

Combo! There’s a jab and hook here!

But the devils take a cheep shot!

Ol’ boy kicked him in the man’s worst spot.

Angels’ on his knees;

From here looks like he’s cryin’, ‘PLLLEEEEAAASSEEEE!’

But the devil just keeps up on him

Knock

                 Knock

                                  Knocking him
on the ground!

 

Wow! I have never seen so profound a fight!

It’s Hell against Heaven,

In this fight ‘tween chaos and light!

 

Angel’s up on his feet looking sorry and raw…

 

OUCH!

 

He just got creamed! Took one in the jaw!

 

But look at the fire in his eyes! Is there a chance yet?

I’m not a gambling man, but I’d take that bet!

 

Uppercut! SLAM!

That has gotta’ hurt!

Right… left… jab… jab… left… right!

 

Angels’ got ‘em up on the rail!

Devil is pinned! He’s blocking…

 

 

 

The struggle of my life,

Whether this or that…

…the clash of titans on my back.

Who’ll win? I don’t know.

But the cock will three times crow.

 

And in the end when this bird does sing,

Only one will stand, in that ring.

 

Then…

And only then

I will then make my choice…

A slave to my nature

With a slave’s voice.

 

-JJT

22 Oct 06

4:56 AM

Once upon a night so dark,

As the melodic lark does sing,

I found myself in a hole so deep.

As my slumber creeps, I cry to sleep.

 

When ever will then sun shine bright?

Like my ever lasting night light

That shields me from the horrid creatures of the night?

 

I cringe before the spooky shadows that cover my walls,

Like I hide from the voices that ring out in the halls of my
mind.

 

I turn on the lamp and I find,

That the horrors I dream of

Are bound to the darkness and solitude of night.

 

When will I ever find my peace?

When will my hero come to save me?

 

I will live and die each night,

Slain by the evil powers of fright,

Which stalk and pervade every last goodness of my soul.

 

 

 

I am lost in a deep…

…deep…

…hole.

Who can dig me out?

I do not know…

 

Perhaps it is you…

But you’re so far away!

 

Please stay with me

Just for the moment,

So’s I can sleep and maybe fade away…

Even for a second.

 

Stay with me tonight.

Protect me from those evils of the night.

Keep me safe.

Please…

Keep me warm.

Hold me tight and never let me go.

 

Maybe you can save me.

Maybe you’re the one.

 

But I shall never know,

Until tomorrow morning has come.

 

JJT

13 Oct 06

Little black beetle crawling on the ground,

Take a look on what’s around.

There are many children at play

Who could ultimately stop

And ruin your day.

 

A giant ball

                       ‘SMACK’

             To the
head,

Could squish and squash and leave you dead.

 

Find no haven under a glass.

Soon things ‘el get hot and sizzle your as…ssssociate

 

With bigger badder bugs with choppers or stingers of the
like.

If any little Tom or Sue threatens…

 

STRIKE!         

STRIKE!

STRIKE!

 

Remember safety in numbers and not venture too far.

Look both ways.

NEVER get into strange cars.

Be proactive not reactive and always pay your bills on time.

And yes, never calling your mother IS a crime.

 

Scurry forth and
head on home! Many dangers lurk around!

Little beetle…

SCCRRRUUUUUNCH!

 

Little beetle! I’m… um… oh dear…

…Ah well…

Time for lunch!

 

-JJT

10 Oct 06