So… I got bored in one of my
classes and came up with these two little dittys. Again, it’s a bit
away from my regular style… but I dig ‘em.

Fell Into A Hole

Once upon a shitty day,
I fell into a hole.
I got muddy.
 
What can I say about my buddy,
Who thought it funny to laugh?

He jeered and jested and thinking I was bested,
Turned around to walk the other way.

I pushed him in,
And he fell in too…

Laugh now fucker!
I own you!

-JJT
5 Oct 06

Here I Sat.

I sit.
         Here I’m sitting.
    There I sat.

Who knows if I ever come back?

If I don’t,
Just know this true,
I existed there once…

Just like you.

-JJT
5 Oct 06

Trudging through a muggy bog,

I will not quit it now.

Covered in mud from head to toe,

I will not quit it now.

Many days from journey’s end,

I will not quit it now.

Body wasted, wanna’ stop,

I will not quit it now.

Haven’t slept, little rest,

I will not quit it now.

Counting every single step,

I will not quit it now.

                                   

Been a long time since I’ve seen the sun,

Must dig in deep, and trudge right on.

Many dangers lurk around,

Must dig in deep, and trudge right on.

Freakish sounds coming from the brush,

Must dig in deep, and trudge right on.

I know I’ll make a tasty lunch.

Must dig in deep, and trudge right on.

Every shadow gives me chills,

Must dig in deep, and trudge right on.

I am afraid…

 

Must dig in deep, and trudge right on.

 

Heading to the distant sea,

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

A place of joy and colorful drinks,

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

Beautiful woman all around!

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

A place where no one goes without!

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

A place with music everywhere!

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

Nothing like the life I’ve lived,

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

Trudging through this muggy bog,

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

Trudging through this wretched life…

 

Keep on moving, I’ll get there soon.

Tick, tick, tock, tock…

Another round to the clock,

Forever winning the bout against my youth.

 

My hair’s turning grey and my teeth rotting out.

People have to scream and shout

Just so’s I can hear the world fade away.  

Soon I’ll need a cane

And drive real slow

Watching folk get pissed and letting their horns blow.

 

Years pass by.

 

Moments get lost.

 

Seconds fly far away and are now gone.

Slipping away one by one…

Good luck trying to hang on.

 

-JJT

2 Sept. 06

6:55 PM

—————————————–

Thanks for all the kind words and birthday wishes! You guys are great!

Just what I always wanted…. a hurricane for my birthday. yay.

My heart weeps for better days,

My eyes remain dry from long ago.

There is no light from this point it seems;

No end from this fruitless drought.

 

Mystical winds blow through my hair

Teasing me with fantastic dreams;

Revisiting childhood fancies,

Until I fall and scream.

 

I try and try to stay above the poison mist

But fall deeper in the hole.

There is no light from down here it seems;

No end for this morose clown.

 

Fake the smile to make the grade

While my fans yell loud and cheer.

This is no merriment in this man

To laugh and join the game.

 

The coldest winters lay in my soul

Chilling me to the bone.

There is no light to guide my way,

Through this wasteland to my home.

 

This broken traveler that I am,

Is forever lost to find his way…

Without light to guide him back,

To his long lost home of far away.

 

 

-JJT

 

26 Aug 06

3:13 AM

Boiling boils bound by batty basterd brothers battling brown bouncing bears.

 

I just made that up. Try saying that five times fast.

 

Sigh. This thing, life, has me a wit’s end. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been the good boy for several weeks now… My nose has been kept clean and my shoes have remained tied… but I wonder, ‘what is it all for?’

 

Obviously, I had made a bad decision. I made a beast of myself. Of course, the beast got loose, as they tend to do, and will maybe cause a few bumps in my near and present future. Keyword… maybe… that word just adds to the madness within me. It’s the waiting and the wondering and all the “what if’s”… sigh. What really gets me though, ‘Where is my battalion of soldiers that have promised support in this new campaign?’

 

Bahhh! I’m not talking about the drinking you dolts! I have already said, ‘I’ve been a good boy!’ But I suppose even in that, I am very surprised of the outcome.

 

All in all… with a strict exception of a few in this world (you know who you are) and those others who don’t know my business (yes you are excused), the rest of the population are no good conniving flesh eating soul stealing rats.

 

No offence to the present rat population.

 

Hahahaa…. yea.

 

I have placed myself in a solitary confinement, playing the role of a mute recluse, biding my time until the hurricane force winds die down. While the storm rages on, I can lie in wait no longer.

 

It was said to me that, “times like these prove the quality of friends you keep.” Sadly many of those lights have dimmed in the recent weeks. For the first time since my adolescence, I am humiliated by my ignorance.

 

I am giving up “friends” while trying to make life-altering decisions while facing the uncertain actions of God knows what, as I’m trying to go back to school after seven years while I fight to survive in this dog eat dog world and now having to hunt for a new place of employment after crossing professional and personal lines making staying a serious conflict of interest…

 

…thanks to those who truly care. You are true blue.

 

…to those who just want to steal a bit more of me… of my soul… of my life…BLOW! I’M ONE BUSY S.O.B. AND I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU! I’VE GOT MY OWN PATHETIC LIFE TO CONTEND WITH, SO FUCK OFF!

Day 4

A poorly shaven man in his fifties came into work earlier today.
He looked up at the tall buildings and started spinning around as if in awe and
trying to take everything in all at once. From first glance, he looked out of
place in the uppity-up overpriced ocean front condos I work at. I had never
seen him around before, so, I decided to approach him.

 

“Excuse me sir.  May I
help you?”

 

“Oh. No. I live here”

 

“In which unit you do live in sir?”

 

“Oh I really don’t know. I’ve only been here a few days. Five
days. I just don’t know.”

 

“Well sir… do you live in the south or north building?” I
ask gesturing at each of the two buildings.

 

“Well… uh… I don’t know. I’m actually staying with some
friends.”

 

I just stare at him blackly trying to make since of this man
dressed in a dirty white t-shit and very short blue shorts. His hands just fidgeted
with what looked like a light blue canvas purse. A purse! I snickered inside.

 

“Well sir,” I continued. “What are your friend’s last names?”

 

“White.”

 

Now I have worked at these condos since late February, and I
simply didn’t recall any resident by the last name of White. So I radio it back.
Perhaps someone just moved in this past week and I wasn’t made aware, after all,
these things have happened. But before I could get a response, the man makes a
mad dash to the door!

 

“EXCUSE ME SIR! GET BACK HERE!” I yell.

 

The man sheepishly wanders back in time to hear we have no
resident by the name of White.

 

“No White? No White! But I stayed with them for five months!

 

“Five months sir? You told me five days!”

 

“No. No. No! Five months!” He contested getting frustrated.

 

“Sir that is not possible and I’m now asking you to leave.”

 

“Can’t I wait on Mr. White?”

 

“Mr. White does not live here. You have no reason to be
here. Please leave.”

 

“But that’s not fair!” He said getting angry. “Mr. White
used to live here. He owned all of this. I stayed with him!”

 

It’s hot. I’m now sweating. I want to go back inside with
the a/c instead of dealing with this delusional man. I’m getting frustrated
myself so I give him the ultimatum.

 

“These condos have been here quite some time, and I can
assure you sir… that Mr. White does not own any of this… now…today. If you have
no business here, I ask you again please leave the property or I… better yet the
Juno PD will remove you.”

 

“But that’s not fair! I’ve got no where to go. Mr. White…”
Now defeated, he tries to take a seat on the pavement.

 

“Sir you can’t sit there. This is private property. You need
to leave.”

 

He gets up mumbling something incoherent as I usher him out
past the gates. Then he starts on me again.

 

“Well I own a piece of this too!  

 

“Sir?”

 

“Well, why have I been paying nine hundred dollars a month
for this place? A play you say I can’t stay?”

 

“Sir… get real. These places cost a lot more than nine
hundred bones a month. Heck! I can’t even afford this place! You don’t live
here. Mr. White does not live here. You don’t belong here.”

 

He fidgets with his purse for a moment before turning away.
He takes a few steps then turns and says…

 

“But I’ve got no place to go. I can’t go back to that crack
house. I don’t wanna’ go back to that crack house… this place just looked so
nice…”

 

My heart sank as he turned and walked away… pasted the gates…
across the street… past the bush and the buildings on the other side.

 

He and I are the same type of man; both troubled by our
afflictions. He is my future. He is my destiny if I don’t change my ways.

 

Day 3

 

I have been in my head all day, and it’s driving me nuts!

 

Sigh… going straight home after work sucks. Tried to reason
that maybe I could just go hang out and drink a coke or something… but in the
end realized that was no good. I HAVE NEVER sat at a bar and drank a coke. Why
the heck would I start now?

 

Weeknights were never about getting drunk and wasted. It was
more like getting out and chilling with other losers like me who like to
complain about the day over a few beers. It was the camaraderie that I liked.
People I could relate to. I mean, what responsible person would go to a bar during
the week? All in all, it doesn’t take a lot to realize I’m not missing much by coming
straight home and skipping out on a few drunks.  Just not used to being so… I don’t know. Guess
you kind of get used to talking and listening to people.

Day
1

I
don’t know how to begin… I’ve rewritten the first few lines of whatever this is
going to be many times over the last half hour…. But I guess in the end it
really doesn’t matter.

All
day today I have been reliving the “stuff” of the past and have been coming to
unacceptable conclusions. I have been avoiding so much of my past that I’ve
become delusional, misinterpreting certain memories… bending them in my mind
consciously or unconsciously so that I can justify myself and actions. But I
suppose that is the purpose of the devil within which fuels my pride.

The
topic of question was alcohol and the problems in my life that have perpetuated
from my drinking. Now isn’t the time for the mistakes I’ve made or the
repercussions of certain actions… getting to them isn’t the point of what I
want to achieve here today. Perhaps in time I’ll get to it.

I
am a writer. Writing is a release for me. I don’t care if it’s good or bad… or
if anyone reads. As long as I can put into writing my thoughts and feelings, I
can let go of certain things I feel passionately about. All I have to do is
learn to see things clearly in terms of my life, and report on them so. No
excuses. No pulling punches. There is no room for anything but honest
no-holes-barred truth as I begin this new path of self discovery. I will reveal
this devil through my writing… in hopes to someday conquer this beast within.

As
I begin whatever journey I have now drunkenly stumbled upon, I can honestly say
I fear what tomorrow brings. But with that fear is hope.

After
a much needed talk with an old friend and a new acquaintance tonight, I know
I’m not alone. Our discussion left thoughts in my head and inspired me in this
new endeavor. Haha… but that was short lived. No sooner was I on my way home
than I started to conspire to hit the local all night bar for a few drinks.
Lucky for me (unlucky for them) there was a bad car crash about a mile from my
home. I counted about seven Palm Beach Gardens
cops on scene. Cops on the road are the last thing I want to see right before
downing a few, so I chose to go home. To further persuade me, at that instant
it started pouring so hard I could barely see and had to slow my seed to about
25. Funny thing is, it stopped raining once I got home.

Within
one night, I flip-flopped. Sigh. I can see it’s going to be easy for me to say
I’m going change my life. But doing it is going to be hell.

I
learned tonight to take one day at a time. Today has been day 1.

This is tonight’s 4th of July speech I’ll be giving at the West Palm Beach, Sound Advice Amphitheatre.  I’m told I will be speaking to thousands… we shall see…

-J

—————————

Ladies and
gentlemen… Honored guests… My fellow Americans… As you enjoy today’s
festivities and celebrate our nation’s 230th birthday, I want to remind you of
the men and women who have given their lives to make the dream of a
self-governing-nation a reality… and enlist you support for our deployed
troops.

 

The struggle
we’re in now… is different from the engagements of our history. But the faces
of those who fight to protect this country are the same.

 

They are our family
and friends… they are Americans.

 

I spent two
tours in Iraq…
and while I had been away from family and friends before…  I had never been in a place where I felt so
unloved. But that’s grim reality of war. The other guy fighting for his country
wants to take my life…

 

…day after day;
my existence was rattled by the unrelenting shelling of mortars, AK-47 fire,
and the never-ending threat of roadside improvised explosive devices.

 

Yes… we did the
occasional humanitarian mission… The children would always run out and great
our convoy in smiles as we rolled into their village, but at night it was always
the same routine… the sporadic earth shaking explosions.

 

Where’s the
love?

 

Letters from
home were the one thing that would brighten my days. It was enough to let me
know that despite what was going on, my family and friends still supported and cared
for me.

 

What really
touched me THOUGH… was when I received a package from Forgotten Soldiers Outreach. It was the thought that someone who
knew nothing about me… cared enough to donate their time, energy, and money to
make my life, out there, a little more livable.

 

Regardless of
your political affiliation or personal philosophies, the men and women deployed
overseas need you. It doesn’t have to be a monetary contribution; it could be as
little as a note that says, ‘you are not
forgotten’.         

 

I have been
asked…  As a veteran, what does Independence Day mean to you?

 

Life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness… for every American.

 

But with
freedoms there is the responsibility to protect OUR young, old, and less fortunate. There is also the necessary
need to tolerate all peoples with different beliefs. TOLERANCE and COMPASSION.
Not for some, but for all.

 

But, should
there be restraints? Should there be limits?

 

As the greatest
power… with the greatest peoples on this Earth, we should be able to censor
ourselves… we should feel it within our being, the desire to protect each and
every American from unsuitable situations or material.

 

Unfortunately… there
are some selfish persons and organizations who pray upon stealing the life and
liberty from our fellow citizens, keeping them from achieving happiness.

 

For instance, I’m not saying
living an alternative life style is wrong, but there are some people who do not
feel comfortable witnessing individuals engaged in certain acts.

 

So what can be
done?

 

Seek to become
educated. Thirst for knowledge. Desire to be informed. Without a free thinking
mind, we are doomed to destroy ourselves by ignorance.

 

We are all
entitled to live happy and free, so let us be mindful and respect each other.
Instead of warring with ourselves, let us team together to eradicate those
evils which steal away the innocence of our young or refute those treasures
guaranteed to us by this great nation.

 

Many cultures
make up our population and we are all different. That is what makes this
country so special! All the different things we all have to offer… The tastes,
the sounds…

 

AND Yes! These
are the very things that keep us apart… the color of our skin… our beliefs… our
histories. We are creatures of habit. We tend to flock to what we know…

 

But there is
something stronger than these menial
differences that should transcend everything and all else… The American blood
that flows through each and one of our veins… and the common desire to live
free.

 

Happy
Independence Day. God bless you all. Support your troops.